


Give and Take

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, Morality | Patton Sanders Tries, Smart Logic | Logan Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26322124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Virgil can channel anxiety, either at himself or at others. Of course, he almost always chooses the former. What happens when the others realize how much this hurts Virgil?WARNINGS: Anxiety attacks, guilt, bottling up feelings
Comments: 2
Kudos: 106





	Give and Take

The tension in the room is growing. Virgil can feel it, almost taste it. Virgil wonders if Patton can feel the anger going back and forth between Logan and Roman. While Virgil can’t go as far as he usually would, seeing as the others would notice, so instead, he imagines the anxiety balling around his friends’ chests and heads, slowly drawing that energy into himself. Ignoring how his hands start to bounce on the step below him, he continues. Eventually, Roman and Logan are clearheaded enough to communicate. Before long, Thomas is summarizing what he learned and Patton is congratulating Logan and Roman for sorting through their issues. Virgil scoffs, pulling out a fidget spinner (fight me, those are great) to try and let out some of the accrued nervous energy naturally. The only other options are to funnel energy into everyone or to funnel energy directly into Thomas. And though Virgil knows he’s too weak to protect Thomas from all his anxiety, he knows he can protect him from the brunt of it.

“Virgil, kiddo, are you ok?” Patton has walked to Logan’s spot, looking up at him.  _ When did he get there? Focus! _ Virgil mentally scolds himself. “It looks like that argument really got to you, what can we do to help?”

“Yeah, sorry, Charlie frown,” Roman shouts from across the room. “We didn’t mean to stress you!”

Virgil grunts in response, standing up and walking down the stairs to stand by his friends. “It’s whatever, I’m fine.” Virgil makes the mistake of looking at Logan, who stares at him. He doesn’t like how clinical Logan’s gaze is. “What are you looking at?” He growls.

“What? Me?” Logan at least has the decency to look guilty for staring. “Nothing, I just- I, too, am sorry that Roman and my spat caused you such distress.”

Virgil shrugs, though the suspicion is clear in his eyes.  _ Can he know? _ “I’ll just get some coffee and everything will be peachy.”

“Now kiddo-” Patton starts before Logan cuts in.

“This was actually a topic that I was going to bring up at a future date. I do not think that caffeine is good for your anxiety, and I have a variety of herbal teas that I recommend as an alternative.”

“I- L- No-” Virgil rubs the bridge of his nose. “You know what? I don’t have the energy to argue right now. What types?”

Logan seems genuinely surprised. “I am- shocked that you are reacting so well. Happy, but shocked. Let me show you what I’ve got.”

After looking through a surprisingly large amount of tea, Virgil settles on a lavender chamomile blend. Not that he’s that keen on drinking lavender, it’s just a comfort smell. So he assumes it’ll taste good too. And before he knows it, he’s on the couch with a cup of tea surrounded by his friends.

***

The next spike in anxiety is right before an audition. He had holed himself away in his r0om so that he could do his work, and he planned to stay isolated, drawing away Thomas’s nerves so that he can focus and Roman can work his magic. A knock sounds at his door.

“Yeah?” Virgil says cautiously as whoever it is tries to open the locked door.

“It’s me, kiddo,” Patton’s voice sounds. “I was just wondering, I don’t know how your job works but can you tone down the anxiety? Thomas is really freaked out.”

“Yeah,” Virgil winces. He hadn’t meant to slip so much! “Sorry about that.”

“It’s no problem,” Patton says cheerfully. “Thanks for being a team player!”

_ You have no idea _ , Virgil thinks as he feels out the anxiety in the mindscape and from Thomas himself. He’s surprised that  _ Roman _ is more nervous than Thomas. Oh well, he can handle this. Anxiety draws away from the sides who have to focus on actually doing something, feeling the effects almost immediately. His breathing speeds up and he falls to his side, barely feeling the tears seeping out of his eyes. He feels his fingers and lips grow tingly and numb. He doesn’t know how much time has gone by before there’s another knock on his door.

“Virgil, I am going to say this once and give you 15 seconds to prove to me that you are ok before I break down your door.” Logan’s voice grates harshly against Virgil’s racing mind. “I have noticed that Roman and Thomas both are exhibiting far less anxiety without using any coping mechanisms. While I had previously believed that you were simply anxious from exposure to stress and tension, I now believe that to be false. Do you or do you not have the ability to take anxiety away from others and transfer it to yourself?”

“No,” Virgil croaks out. “I’m fine.”

“I don’t need Janus here to see that that is a falsehood,” Logan says before the door falls off its hinges.

“Did ya really have to kick it open?” Patton questions, meekly. Virgil curls in on himself. Now  _ two _ people have to see him like this.

Before he can move further, there are two comforting weights around him. “Patton explained everything,” Logan states matter-of-factly. “He uses an unhealthy coping mechanism, but he uses the same method of taking negative feelings from others in order to help us be more cohesive. He thought that you were using the same coping mechanism.”

“What?” Virgil gasps, looking up. 

“I put them in a bottle,” Patton says sheepishly. “Then, I either dispose of it in the subconscious or release it into a dream. I thought you did something similar.”

“And Patton, you said that you could funnel these feelings into other sides?”

“Yes, but I would never!” Patton exclaims.

“Virgil?” Logan says softly. “We cannot adequately help you when your anxiety isn’t your own. You have the anxiety of three people. Please, spread it out between us.”

“No,” Virgil says shortly before doubling in on himself, shivering.

“Look,” Patton negotiates. “I’ll take the guilt from you for now so you don’t get more worried over it. Please, you can’t do it alone right now.”

“Are you sure?” Virgil asks meekly. “Like, 100% sure, sure?”

Both Patton and Logan nod and agree. “Ok, I guess.” Virgil grips both of their hands and feels the weight loosen from his chest. His breathing slows noticeably. Next to him, Logan tenses up, and Patton doubles over. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s ok,” Logan says, though he doesn’t sound ok. He starts tapping out the pattern for 4-8-7 breathing on Virgil’s hand, likely more for himself than for Virgil. Virgil extends the favor to Patton.

They sit like that for around an hour before everyone is breathing normally.

“Ok, let’s talk about this,” Logan says, causing both Patton and Virgil to groan. “You bottle up emotions, which is unhealthy and just leads to them festering and getting worse.” Patton winces. “And you overwhelm yourself, making it harder to work through the feelings of anxiety.”

Virgil nods. “That sounds about right, but how do we deal with it otherwise? I mean, it can’t be good for Thomas to be overwhelmed by his feelings or anxiety.”

“That is a good point,” Logan concedes. “But I have an idea. What if the two of you put thoughts and feelings that aren’t constructive in a chest? Then, when we can work through them, we open the chest together?”

“That could work,” Patton nods, smiling. “What do you think, Virge?”

“I don’t know how yet, but I’d like to try.” Virgil grins for the first time all day.

It takes a lot of work at first, especially for Virgil, who isn’t used to funneling anxiety back. But eventually, the sides are able to use these negative thoughts and feelings to reflect upon. Patterns are drawn and Logan is better able to understand what triggers Thomas and when which allows the sides to better navigate Thomas’ mental health.

**Author's Note:**

> I know that triggered is a loaded word and I want to clarify that by 'trigger' I mean cause heightened anxiety/depression/bad feelings. I know that it is primarily used for PTSD and that it isn't a joke.
> 
> Also, me projecting onto how Patton and Virgil treat bad feelings? noooo, never! /j


End file.
